The single pastor or educator should invite another colleague or two or three to share in the conversational game. It should be friends that you can trust and who are also part of the experience of working in the church. However, you might find that the conversation is enriched if there is more than one denomination represented. The basic rules are these:
Below are 33 questions that you should place on individual 3 x 5 cards and shuffle them so that there is no predetermined order. Place the deck among you. Using two die, the person who begins throws the die and counts down to that number in the deck. This is his or her question to answer. Once finished, the card is placed in the middle of the deck and the next person throws the die and answers the question. After four or five times, the deck is cut or shuffled so that new cards can be chosen. Each person should be free to answer as they desire. Before the game begins, agree on the length of time that you will continue.
1. How comfortable am I with my singleness?
2. How do I think my singleness affects my relationship to my ministry?
3. What are the advantages and disadvantages of singleness on my ministry?
4. How do I feel about dating someone in my congregation?
5. What guidelines should I follow if I date someone in the congregation?
6. How does my being a pastor affect the type of dating activity that I think is appropriate or possible?
7. If I want to meet someone outside the congregation, where would I go and what activities would I choose?
8. How does being single and male (female) affect the direction of ministry?
9. How does being single and female (male) affect my relationship with members of the congregation?
10. How does being single hinder or facilitate my ability to claim time for myself?
11. Who do I go to when I need to process issues in my life and ministry?
12. Who do I look to as my caregiver when I am ill?
13. How do I get my normal affection needs met?
14. How do I insure that I maintain a healthy diet?
15. What lifestyle changes would I like to make?
16. How do I address times of loneliness?
17. What are the challenges of holiday times for a single pastor in church leadership?
18. What percent of my income do I think should I pledge to the church?
19. How do I determine what percentage of my charitable giving should go to causes and activities outside the congregation?
20. Have I adequately prepared for emergencies with signed power of attorney, medical powers of attorney, etc.?
21. How do I develop and nurture friendships with couples in the church?
22. What are the dynamics of being especially close to a particular family in the congregation?
23. What is one experience that I have had as a single pastor that now makes me laugh?
24. Where do I go for spiritual nourishment?
25. Where do I see God present in my life as I consider the future?
26. How do I feel about my financial planning towards retirement?
27. Are my salary and benefits fairly determined?
28. Is there a Bible study or spiritual practice that I would like to share with someone and if so, who?
29. Am I currently considering any career changes? If so, what steps do I need to take now?
30. Are there areas where my parents need help and how can I offer it?
31. How supportive do I think the congregation is of me as a pastor?
32. How do I feel about the judicatory’s support of my pastorate?
33. In time of crisis, who would I look to for pastoral support?
It is likely that the conversation will raise topics that will need to be discussed further, but this provides you the basis of a conversation with trusted colleagues about your experience in the ministry. It may result in a support group that will enable you to explore your journey together.
