In corresponding with the session for this quarter’s emphasis, you need to be mindful that the family of a pastor comes in different configurations and are at different stages. The ToolBox has a variety of strategies that can be helpful to these different types of families. A helpful reminder is that the session can help the pastor to set some appropriate boundaries adjusted to his or her particular circumstances.
Most churches do not choose to be harmful to the pastor’s family life. As a body they would probably agree that s/he needs to work to protect some family time. It is not the church that calls during meal time or expects the pastor to miss a child’s school event because there is a church event that conflicts. Rather, it is individuals within the church, who only see their request as a single request and not part of a pattern. Part of the Session’s task is to help educate the congregation on a normal pattern of requests.
Yet pastors are in a double bind. On the one hand, we want to value our family with uninterrupted attention that nurtures family bonds. On the other hand, we don’t want the congregation to conclude that they shouldn’t bother the pastor with their concerns because s/he is too busy. It would be helpful to have an open conversation with the session about how to establish these boundaries.
Part of the session’s educational task is to convey some understandings with the entire congregation. They can convey to the congregation not only what days the pastor/educator takes off but what are the types of exceptions that both s/he and the session think are appropriate. They might also suggest that they have encouraged the pastor not to answer the telephone during meal times and to leave a message that can be returned later. Similar understandings should be made public with respect to vacations and educational events. When it is shared by the session, it does not appear that the pastor is doing it on his or her own.
To have such a conversation with the entire congregation can be good educational event for the members about how to protect family time in all our families.
