Sometimes it is difficult to discuss family finances and this can be a source of underlying tension in a family. Let me begin with a suggestion for a discussion between the couple in the family before we consider what might be helpful in a total family discussion.
One of the pressures in discussion about finances between a husband and a wife is the issue of guilt. So let us begin with an exercise that addresses some of these issues. Let each person answer for the other person how s/he thinks the other person would respond to the question: “If I had $1,000 to spend guilt free, what would I spend it on?” Then check with the other person to see how accurate s/he was.
Now discuss what positive value that dreamed of expenditure represents in the person’s life. The idea here is to move beyond the accusations and identify a positive yearning. For example, if the person would spend the money on a day at a spa, can that reflect a desire to feel good about one’s body. If the money were spent on a night at a poker table, could that express a desire for either relaxed good company or a desire to enjoy a competitive game.
Now reverse the direction and have each person respond to where the spending of money makes him or her feel most guilty. When that is shared, discuss how the partner can be supportive in finding a healthy way to cope with that guilt. Sometimes feelings of guilt are a warning against inappropriate behavior but sometimes such feelings come from unresolved issues from one’s past. Let the discussion be a means of distinguishing between the two.
This is the beginning of a healthy discussion about finances. More later.
