Like in all the areas being examined, when a congregation begins to reflect on the health of the clergy family, they will also become aware of ways in which the congregation can address the health of all families in the congregation. This may result in a whole new ministry for the church. It recognizes the truth of 1 Corinthians 12: 26 that within a congregation, “If one member suffers, all suffer together with it; if one member is honored, all rejoice together with it.” We begin by considering a check list for assisting a clergy family to maintain healthy family relationships, but in the back of our minds we should keep in mind the health of all families within the congregation. There is no perfect formula for preventing the destructive culture that plagues families, but there are ways to improve our chances for having healthy families. Some, though not all, of the areas that we might look at are:
1. Does the pastor feel the support of the church leadership for his or her attention to the health of the family?
2. Does the congregation understand the pressures on the pastor’s family created by the fish-bowl nature of the ministry?
3. Has there been a conversation on appropriate boundaries for protecting family time while maintaining pastoral availability in times of need?
4. When the pastor experiences negative feedback, does someone recognize its effect on family members and offer them support?
5, Because good pastors work long hours which occasionally interfere with family plans, does the leadership express thanks to family members for their sacrifice and support?
6. Is their a fund to support the pastor in receiving family counseling when there is a need?
7. Has their been consideration for occasionally inviting the family to a non-church fun event as a sign of appreciation for their extra efforts?
8. Is the pastor encouraged to occasionally have a conversation with family members about how they are experiencing the effect of being a pastor’s family?
(Note, the ToolBox has some suggested games for facilitating such a conversation.)
9. Does the pastor feel full support for taking their day off and their full vacation?
10. Is their conscious support for time for the family of pastors who do not have children in the home or are single?
11. Is their recognition of the importance for taking time to maintain relationships with extended family members?
12. Has the church leadership along with the pastor had a conversation about the faith resources for maintaining healthy families.
This is a beginning. Try to add some other check points for maintaining healthy families. Then begin to strategize about how to implement a plan to support healthy family relationships both for the pastor and other families who are feeling the stress of our culture on their relationships.
