While we may read with horror the story of Abraham’s near sacrifice of Isaac, most pastors know that there is a sense in which their family pays a heavy price for being part of a pastor’s family. Hopefully one will not say that they have sacrificed their family for the sake of following God, but the story has poignant echoes of what a pastor’s family sometimes experiences. Of course other professionals can also become consumed by their career at the expense of their family, but that doesn’t make it right. Think about what some of the sacrifices are that members of your family experiences. Try to be brutally honest as you create such a list.
Of course there are the long hours, the lack of weekends, the bitter joke when the calendar suggests that others have a three day weekend, the emotional stress of the pressures of ministry, and the modest salary that comes with the profession. Add to that the experience of living in a fishbowl where everyone around you assumes the permission to criticize not only the pastor but family members for their behaviors. Sometimes the pastor also expects certain behavior on the part of members of the family. While this has eased in the last few years, there are still churches that assume that the pastor’s spouse will be both active and better informed than a normal member. At the same time, many churches are not willing to elect them to the session or other positions of responsibility that normally their gifts and skills might suggest. If they are on such church boards, their decisions and comments often are seen as reflections of the pastor rather then just the opinions of another member. Children may feel the pressure to behave in specific ways, be active in church school and youth groups, etc.
In addition, to whom do members of a pastor’s family go when they need spiritual counseling or are struggling with questions of faith. Not only do we have to ask the question of who pastors the pastor but who pastors the pastor’s family. And what does the pastor or church do to assist in supporting the family as they respond to the unusual dynamics of being a part of a pastor’s family.
