If Jesus embodies an anti-narcissistic approach to life, then it is clear that not being a narcissistic pastor doesn’t suggest that pastors become doormats over which everyone tramples. Among those who work with alcoholics, they speak of those who enable the alcoholic. An enabler acts in ways that support and encourage the destructive behavior of the alcoholic. Often they act that way because they wish to avoid offending that person or they are afraid of how that person will react if they challenge them. Sometimes pastors slip into the pattern of people-pleasers whose behavior is shaped by what they think will be most pleasing to the members of the congregation. This is not the model of ministry reflected in the life and teaching of Jesus.
Pastoral leadership requires a pastor to listen deeply to the needs of the congregation, not from their perspective but from God’s perspective. The question is not what will make the most people happy but what is the will of God in this situation. A pastor begins as the person in the middle, standing between where people are and where God would want them to be. S/he must not lose sight of either perspective. If you are not sensitive to where people are currently, your attempt to lead them will be ineffective. However, the vision that you lift up for the people is an attempt to translate what you hear from God’s vision for the people into a language of experience that will liberate the people to take the first steps towards that vision.
As a pastor, try to list ten ways that your congregation might act in ways that will be more faithful to God’s call for them. Under each item, note the fears and attitudes that might cause the congregation to resist in moving in that direction. Your ministry is shaped by helping them hunger for God’s way and overcoming the fears that prevent them from moving in that direction.
