COMMON EXPERIENCE
One of the challenges in building a group among clergy is to help them understand that there are others who understands the complex nature of ministry who they can trust. The focus of this meeting is to help them discover this shared reality among themselves that transcends any theological or social convictions that often creates tension among clergy.
All meetings should begin with an opportunity to socialize and catch up with each other. Then you introduce the “loneliness exercise.” You may choose to send this out in advance or you may decide to introduce it fresh. In either case, you are asking them to examine the document and identify at least four areas that most speak to their personal experience.
AN EXAMINATION OF LONELINESS
By Stephen McCutchan
Do you ever wonder why being a pastor is such a lonely calling? Numerous people surround you. Many of those people both like and admire you. You have the privilege of being present at some of the tenderest and intimate moments in people’s lives. You experience great satisfaction in being able to contribute to people’s lives. Still, you experience great moments of loneliness.
The source of loneliness for different pastors will vary in intensity and cause. It is difficult to explain to outsiders, but most pastors know loneliness. For many pastors, it is just a dull ache, but occasionally that loneliness has a toxic effect that needs to be guarded against. Look at your own life and choose at least four reasons from the list below as prime sources for your own experience of loneliness—there may be more.
- I am entrusted with painful secrets of members for which there are no easy answers, but I cannot share these secrets with anyone else.
2 . Society’s image of success requires paying too much attention to people’s immediate desires and not enough to their profound needs.
3.I feel guilty that I cannot meet my family’s needs and the multiple expectations of the congregation—many of which are quite legitimate on both sides.
4. If a conflict arises between me and a prominent member of the church, my governing board is reluctant to intervene and expects me to cope on my own.
5. I work 60 to 70 hours each week trying to meet the needs of the congregation but I hear more complaints than appreciation for my efforts.
6. It is hard to stay in touch with the vision of God’s call in my life when I am overwhelmed by the often petty and certainly tedious daily grind of pastoral life.
7. I know many people but I don’t have many really good friends—good friendship requires more time than I have available given the demands of the church.
8. The Gospel calls me to boldness, but I feel paralyzed by fear of discord in the congregation.
9. The public images of religious hypocrisies and embarrassing church scandals makes me embarrassed to tell others what I do. How can I take pride in my profession?
10. I grieve over the losses I see in a congregation because of death, tragedy, or conflict. Few people understand the pain I feel in such situations,.
While all of these causes may be relevant to some degree, which four would be most significant for you?
FOUR AREAS OF LONELINESS
After time to complete the exercise, ask each person to share their four chosen areas with no more than a sentence explanation for each. When all have shared their chosen areas, have a general discussion about what they have heard.
There is no shame in feeling the pain of loneliness in our profession. In fact the better a pastor we are, the more we will absorb the pain in other people’s lives and be sensitive to the deeply fractured nature of our society. However, it is important to discover ways that we can process these feelings and not allow them to become toxic in our lives. A Company of Pastors may be one opportunity
Next, begin to explore some of the general ways in which each of them might respond to help them cope with the reality of their profession. This is where you introduce the possibility of making use of fiction as a means of building community among them.
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ALWAYS ON THE CLOCK
As an example, you might have printed out a copy of the flash fiction Never Off the Clock, as a sample for reflection as a group. In the next blog, I will provide you some questions to guide your reflections. If the meeting is running long, you can ask them to reflect on the story for next time, as well as the longer story :Your Brother’s Blood. Show them where they can access the whole volume on Amazon amzn.to/11j6L2D.
