Couples, whether they have children or not, need to be intentional about finding couple time as well. Especially when your life is very demanding and the children need a lot of attention, it is easy to neglect the time for your own relationship. Sometimes we can even hide behind our busyness and avoid dealing with issue that if faced immediately can be easily resolved. In addition, even if everything is going along well, couples need to have some fun and some private time together on a regular basis.
Some couples have a regularly scheduled “date night.” Some get season tickets to a theater, sports event, or concert series. If you know it is on your calendar and you have paid for it, there is a better chance that you wil set aside the time.
Sharing a meal away from family and obligations can be an important time to focus on each other. Of course nice restaurants can be special but picnics or grabbing a Subway sandwich can be an inexpensive way and often just as fun. You could add to the spice of the event by deciding that at different times one of you would plan the evening for the other and make it a surprise.
Recognize that there are members of your congregation who would take great pleasure in providing you a free evening to yourselves by offering to baby sit for your family. Sometimes by being reluctant to ask for such help, you are denying someone else the pleasure derived from helping you. Remember how often you have felt satisfaction in being able to offer help to another person.
Finally, in a similar fashion to the ideas in yesterday’s blog, there would be real value in taking some time to brainstorm a variety of fun experiences that you would like to do as a couple. Broaden your vision by choosing a wide variety of ideas. You might be surprised at some secret desire that your spouse has or an idea that you had not recognized until you started talking.
Many pastors, because their work draws out their other-directed and serious side, forget how to play. It is an important trait to develop and it is a good witness to your congregation at the same time.
Well said. We have been deliberate in setting aside one-on-one time in our family, both between my wife and me (weekly date nights, yearly weekend get-aways, daily conversation time), as well as one-on-one with our kids.
Our couple time has been important not only for my wife and me, but also as an illustration to our children. Our children have spouses of their own today, and, yes, they have date nights. We get to babysit the grandchildren while they go out!
One-on-one with our children included “Thursday Night Out” in which my wife would take one kid to a restaurant for dinner and conversation, while I took the other to another restaurant. Then we would reconvene at home for familty time together. And, yes, our children carry forward the Thursday Night Out tradition in their own homes.
So, for our family, your article hit the nail on the head: be deliberate in setting aside time. Thank you.
Wayne:
Thank you for your comments. Would you give me permission to quote you in the Presbytery Pastoral Care Network newsletter?
You might be interested in some of my previous blogs under family as well.
Tell me a little more about your work.
Steve