It is easy to assume that if you are a single person all the talk about family leaves you out. I would suggest, however, that while it is different, you also need to pay attention to family in your life.
Families are one of the ways that we attend to our need of relationships. As the Scripture said, “It is not good for humans to be alone.” Sometimes we can address part of that need by having a pet. I have a pastor friend who has several dogs and they are certainly part of his family.
Sometimes we address our family needs by paying attention to our extended family. At times, a single person has a family member in their household. Whether that is a parent, or a child, it can demand a lot of time from the single pastor. Too often, a congregation can make assumptions about the freedom of a single pastor that put additional pressure on you. It is both important for you and educational for the congregation for you to be clear about your own family needs.
Not having a spouse at home or a child that needs attention makes it all the more important that you be intentional about guarding some space for non-professional activities. Time for nurturing friendship outside the church, including dating time, are an important part of being healthy.
As I have emphasized this week, you should deliberately seek out opportunities for fun experiences with others. Planning a fun experience with a relative, parent or sibling, could be rewarding.
I would be interested in hearing from single pastors about what they do to address their relational needs. What type of internal pressures and congregational assumptions do you need to work against? I think we could learn a lot from the experience of Catholic priests who live a celebate life. There are both healthy and unhealthy examples in both celebate and married clergy. What can we learn to strengthen the healthy side of our clergy.
