PART FOUR OF FIVE–LOOK FOR DEEP THEOLOGICAL SIGNIFICANCE!!!
PART FOUR
“So how do you become a Christian?” one of the green people asked.
“It’s sort of like cleaning out the weeds from your field,” Dick explained. “If you want to become a Christian, you have to confess your sins. Then God will clean you up, and you can start again.”
The green men and women, sex now having been determined by the rib method, looked at each other. “I guess that we have to confess, then. You see, we live on a planet that has become addicted to chlorophyll. That is why we are all green. We used to be a nice shade of yellow.”
“I think the green is kind of cute,” Marilyn gushed.
“The problem is,” the leader continued, “we are running out of chlorophyll. We have been sent on a mission to rob earth of all its green plants. Only now that we have seen the light, we don’t want to harm you or your plants.”
Just as they were confessing this, a group of ecoterrorists bursts into the room. The leader declared, “We have been tracking this ship and have broken their code. We know they are a threat to our planet and to the success of the Green Party. We, therefore, propose to kill all of them and blow up their ship.”
“If you try to harm us, our mother ship will see it, and you will start an interplanetary war. With our advanced technology, we could destroy your whole planet. They don’t know the wonderful things that we have discovered.”
“How can we prove to them that we shouldn’t be destroyed?” Dick asked.
“I think it will be necessary to send an ambassador of goodwill to talk to them. However, it’s a dangerous mission because they might not believe you.”
Marlon Brando puffed out his chest and moved to the center of the room. “In the interest of peace, I propose that you take Marilyn with you as a peace offering to prove our goodwill as a planet. She has known many of our recent presidents and has their respect.”
Marilyn was insulted by this and immediately became a radical feminist. “I am not a piece of baggage to be bargained with.” To prove her new position in life and to show off her recent lessons in feminist karate, she leapt into the air and kicked Marlon in the groin before she returned to the floor.
Marlon immediately yelled out in pain. His cry was so loud that it awakened Jane’s new baby who began to cry. The sound of a baby crying acted like a powerful aphrodisiac for the green people. They immediately fell into a frenzy, running around sticking their fingers up each other’s noses and crying out, “Make love not war.”
Just when things seemed to be getting out of hand, a piercing sound cut through the chaos. They all looked out the window and saw several black vans arrive with sirens blaring. On the sides of the cars were signs that said, “You’re in Good Hands with Homeland Security.”
Immediately half of the vans threw open their doors and agents emerged. They were prepared to rush the house when they discovered they had to return and help the other half figure out how to release the child-safety locks so that the rest of the assault force could get out of the vans.
As soon as all of them were out of their vans, a four-star general announced over the loudspeaker: “We represent the President of the United States of America and are entering this house as a matter of national security.”
Dick immediately opened the door and invited them in. “What is the emergency?”
THE FINAL PART WILL BE ON FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 23
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