One of the popular topics for clergy these days is the issue of boundaries. There are a number of areas where we need to wrestle with boundaries, but today let’s look at the issue of boundaries between family and our vocation.
First, look at the issue of time spent with the family and our responsiveness to the needs of our congregation. Some pastors have never learned to draw any boundaries that protect their time with family and their family learns quickly that all family plans are tentative. At the same time, some pastors are so good at drawing these boundaries that the congregation learns that they can only have emergencies during scheduled work hours. In both cases the assumption of one party or the other is that they are second rate.
As a first step in sorting this out, I would encourage you to simply try to define for yourself some simple boundaries for you and your family. Second, try to put in twenty-five words what you understand your call to be. What is God calling you to be and do and how is that exercised in the congregation that you serve?
The third step, and this is very important, is to share what you have done with your family and ask them to honestly give their response. Sometimes the demands of your calling are going to interfer with hopes and plans of your family. How does your family want you to respond when those occasions occur? What you are working on is a covenant within your family with respect to your response to God.
Next, ask them to share what their understanding is of their call by God in connection with your profession as pastor. They were not called to be a pastor but God does have a call for them in connection with your call.
Tomorrow we will look at building a covenant with the congregation as well.
