Perspective of Pastor’s Wife
Recently I mentioned to, Nancy Johnson, the spouse of a clergy friend that I was blogging about the health of clergy, particularly focused on clergy burnout and loneliness. She had recently read an article in Christianity Today (October 2014) about the decline in clergy health and she shared with me some thoughts stimulated by that article. I asked her permission to share with you how a pastor’s wife views the challenges of ministry.
RESPECT IN COMMUNITY
1. The “church” is no longer the respected institution it once was—perhaps as a result of sex scandals, secularization of society, our immense value on who makes the most money to name a few. Thus clergy feel unappreciated, lonely, perhaps even scorned or at least not given much credibility.
HIGH STRESS LITTLE PAY
2. Few others with so much post-college education are as poorly remunerated, necessitating two salaries per family. Completely different work schedules mean little time with loved ones, and very stressful living with kids.
TIME TO BREATHE
3. “Baring ones soul” week after week with little feedback necessitates HUGE input. Clergy would benefit by being taught to be nurtured by having significant quiet time and study for themselves. Learn to turn off the electric devices and constant demands for some time each day. No one can continually give without receiving.
SELF-RECRIMINATION
4. Accept the fact that one’s word will never be done each day. Learn to live abundantly by doing what is possible. Self-recrimination is destructive and saps energy.
COMPLEXITY OF MINISTRY
5. Seminaries would do well to enable a more complete understanding of the complexity of ministry – especially parish ministry.
HOW WOULD YOU SAY IT?
OK, that is her thoughts. If you were to make 5 statements about the state of ministry today, what would they be?
1. Our experience has not been so much with scorn or outright disrespect from the community, but more with people feeling like they must change the way they act around us once they find out what my husband does for a living.
2. YES, YES, YES! They are expected to have a Master’s degree, plus get periodic continuing education, put in endless hours, but to be satisfied on a less-than-livable wage. Few other professions would tolerate it.
3. They must retreat and recharge, but in their own way. My husband will get quiet and solitude when he feels he needs it, but most of the time he hates being alone and draws energy from the company of (certain) others. He also recharges better in front of a baseball or soccer game. 🙂
4-5. I also heartily agree, especially in the lack of time spent in seminary learning the practical side of ministry.
Loneliness is our biggest issue. It is so hard to be truly friends with church members, since you can’t be completely open with them and he always has to be “on” to a degree when he’s with them, even in social situations. I live a distance from where I work, so it’s hard to be friends with any of my co-workers outside of work. And there’s not much other opportunity to meet people.
My biggest personal issue is anger toward how people in the congregation treat my husband–unrealistic expectations, no respect for his day off, not feeling like they need to pay him a reasonable salary, and then expecting him to smile and take it. He handles it much better than I do; I love him so much that I want everyone to treat him well!