A GRIEF OBSERVED

_{END OF THE DAY}

  _{I can’t tell you anything that happens from the time I}

_{leave the church until the time I arrive home. My}

_{thoughts flit like water bouncing off a hot skillet. My}

_{last fifteen minutes since I left the church would make}

_{an ADD person look like a model of focus. I come back to}

_{earth when my Volkswagen suddenly tips up as I run over}

_{the curve turning into my driveway. Way to go, Alan, you}

_{dumb shit. Lucky for you that none of your neighbors were}

_{out for an evening stroll.}

_{I’m not that tall, about 5 foot 5 inches, but I manage to}

_{bang my head on the roof of the car as I exit. My fury}

_{increases when I stumble going up my front steps. You’d}

_{think I’m drunk but I rarely drink anything but a glass}

_{of wine and haven’t had that today. I take out my key}

_{ring, and, naturally, my first choice is the wrong key.}

_{If I had any hair left on top of my head, I’d pull it}

_{out. To top it off, the door isn’t even locked, so I}

_{restrain myself from hitting it with my fist and walk}

_{into my house.}

_{I see Ariel place a marker in the book she is reading as}

_{I enter the den. She doesn’t even have a chance to say}

_{hello before acid begins to flow from my mouth. “Those}

_{fucking idiots on the worship committee spent two hours}

_{arguing about whether the periods of silence I’ve}

_{introduced in the worship service make people too}

_{uncomfortable.”}

_{A Grief Observed}

_{“A real stinker of a day, huh?” Ariel says but then is}

_{silent waiting for me to continue.}

_{“Oh, no,” I say as I fling my briefcase across the room,}

_{nearly missing a flower vase. “It was a perfect day if}

_{you enjoy being a waiter who considers it an honor to}

_{feed the egos of a self-indulgent bunch of prima donnas}

_{who couldn’t distinguish an ethical value from a Krispy}

_{Kreme donut. Ariel raises one eyebrow but stays silent.}

_{In one corner of my fevered brain, I recognize how lucky}

_{I am that this wonderful woman agreed to marry me. I know}

_{many other guys made their play for this 5’5′ ‘slim,}

_{auburn haired, vivacious woman who is standing before me.}

_{For reasons I don’t understand, she agreed marry this}

_{currently bald, pudgy clergy whose salary can barely keep}

_{us above the poverty level.}

_{That part of my brain, however, is in recess while the}

_{reptilian part has chosen fight over flight even if the}

_{enemy is not present. “Do you know what that God-damned-son-}

_{of-a-bitch Reginald Fiedler said at the budget}

_{meeting this afternoon? That prick had the fucking nerve}

_{to suggest that the church couldn’t afford to give the}

_{pastor a raise since the membership had not increased}

_{enough to even pay for critical building repairs.”}

_{Ariel stands there looking at me. I rarely swear and}

_{never include God or Jesus in such a vain way. A small}

_{echo of conscience rises to the surface. “I’m sorry,}

_{Ariel. I don’t mean to offend you.”}

_OFFENCE

_{“I’m not offended. Before I met you, I used to date guys}

_{who couldn’t say a dozen words without naming God, Jesus,}

_{and various bodily functions. It’s just that this is so}

_{unlike you.”}

_{“Well maybe I ought to change. Christ Almighty, I’m sick}

_{and tired of exhausting myself trying to please these}

_{self-centered pissants who don’t give a shit what God}

_{wants or what it means to be a faithful church. If I died}

_{tomorrow, who in the hell would care.”}

_{We have been standing about six feet apart, though I’ve}

_{been shouting as if we were in separate rooms. Ariel}

_{tilts her head slightly, closes the gap between us, and}

_{as she enfolds me in her arms she says the two sweetest}

_{words in the universe.}

_{“I care.”}

_{(TO BE CONTINUED)}