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Clergy

A GRIEF OBSERVED

By May 1, 2024One Comment

END OF THE DAY

  I can’t tell you anything that happens from the time I

leave the church until the time I arrive home. My

thoughts flit like water bouncing off a hot skillet. My

last fifteen minutes since I left the church would make

an ADD person look like a model of focus. I come back to

earth when my Volkswagen suddenly tips up as I run over

the curve turning into my driveway. Way to go, Alan, you

dumb shit. Lucky for you that none of your neighbors were

out for an evening stroll.

I’m not that tall, about 5 foot 5 inches, but I manage to

bang my head on the roof of the car as I exit. My fury

increases when I stumble going up my front steps. You’d

think I’m drunk but I rarely drink anything but a glass

of wine and haven’t had that today. I take out my key

ring, and, naturally, my first choice is the wrong key.

If I had any hair left on top of my head, I’d pull it

out. To top it off, the door isn’t even locked, so I

restrain myself from hitting it with my fist and walk

into my house.

I see Ariel place a marker in the book she is reading as

I enter the den. She doesn’t even have a chance to say

hello before acid begins to flow from my mouth. “Those

fucking idiots on the worship committee spent two hours

arguing about whether the periods of silence I’ve

introduced in the worship service make people too

uncomfortable.”

A Grief Observed

“A real stinker of a day, huh?” Ariel says but then is

silent waiting for me to continue.

“Oh, no,” I say as I fling my briefcase across the room,

nearly missing a flower vase. “It was a perfect day if

you enjoy being a waiter who considers it an honor to

feed the egos of a self-indulgent bunch of prima donnas

who couldn’t distinguish an ethical value from a Krispy

Kreme donut. Ariel raises one eyebrow but stays silent.

In one corner of my fevered brain, I recognize how lucky

I am that this wonderful woman agreed to marry me. I know

many other guys made their play for this 5’5′ ‘slim,

auburn haired, vivacious woman who is standing before me.

For reasons I don’t understand, she agreed marry this

currently bald, pudgy clergy whose salary can barely keep

us above the poverty level.

That part of my brain, however, is in recess while the

reptilian part has chosen fight over flight even if the

enemy is not present. “Do you know what that God-damned-son-

of-a-bitch Reginald Fiedler said at the budget

meeting this afternoon? That prick had the fucking nerve

to suggest that the church couldn’t afford to give the

pastor a raise since the membership had not increased

enough to even pay for critical building repairs.”

Ariel stands there looking at me. I rarely swear and

never include God or Jesus in such a vain way. A small

echo of conscience rises to the surface. “I’m sorry,

Ariel. I don’t mean to offend you.”

OFFENCE

“I’m not offended. Before I met you, I used to date guys

who couldn’t say a dozen words without naming God, Jesus,

and various bodily functions. It’s just that this is so

unlike you.”

“Well maybe I ought to change. Christ Almighty, I’m sick

and tired of exhausting myself trying to please these

self-centered pissants who don’t give a shit what God

wants or what it means to be a faithful church. If I died

tomorrow, who in the hell would care.”

We have been standing about six feet apart, though I’ve

been shouting as if we were in separate rooms. Ariel

tilts her head slightly, closes the gap between us, and

as she enfolds me in her arms she says the two sweetest

words in the universe.

“I care.”

(TO BE CONTINUED)

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