As we continue to explore the forms of grief experienced by a pastor, we need to recognize the grief a pastor experiences when there is conflict in the church. A pastor who is passionate about ministry begins to see the church as the family of faith that s/he is helping to shape. As most parents do for their children, so a pastor will make many sacrifices of personal choices in order to build the community. When conflict erupts, regardless of its source, the pastor experiences the pain of seeing the benefits of the bonds of church being torn asunder.
Most pastors recognize that part of his or her challenge is to weave between the landmines of church politics and address the variety of needs of the diverse congregation while not sacrificing his or her own integrity. (Another form of grief to be addressed in a future blog.) Sometimes a pastor can even take pleasure in the skill of keeping the family together. Then, sometimes without warning, a strong church family announce that they have decided to transfer their membership. It may be that they chose to be offended by actions of the denomination or even the session of the church. Sometimes it is because a sermon touched a sore point for one of the family members. Maybe the husband or wife had received one too many challenges to their life style. For whatever reason, often without any serious effort to reach an accommodation, the family chooses to abandon their church family.
Whether the pastor was directly involved in what led to this decision or not, s/he grieves the loss. Like grieving parents when their child is seriously hurt, it is easy for the pastor to feel at fault for the pain in the family.
You feel the call to be pastor and offer healing to your flock and included in that is to bring healing to people’s wounds. It doesn’t take many separations for the pastor to feel grief eating away at his or her soul.
In the next blog we will discuss a special form of grief that is particularly part of a pastor’s life. At some level or another, most pastors experience it but rarely are able to discuss it with others. It is the type of grief that affects the spiritual health of the pastor and can even alienate him or her from the sense of God’s call.
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