If you have read the previous blogs, you know the various forms of grief that pastors experience. Not all pastors experience the same forms of grief nor do they express their grief in the same way. However, the first question you must answer is “Do you believe it.” Have we just been talking about others or have we been talking about you?
So here is the test. Can you name up to ten experiences over the past six months that have caused you a sense of loss for which you grieve? It would be good if you would pause and try to make a quick list right now. You can add to it later, but a first step in dealing with grief is acknowledging that you are experiencing grief.
You may, because of the context, choose to cover up any expression of grief at the time, but grief repressed still operates on your body and soul. If you have counseled people in times of grief, you are aware of the concern raised if a person denies that they are experiencing any grief in a traumatic situation. Your traumatic situation may be secondary as you help others or it may be directly personal as you deal with your own loss, but identifying it as real is important.
In addition to the personal pain at times of loss, there is also a spiritual pain that is an important part of your grief process. Look back at your list and any additional times of grief that you may have thought of. As you look at them, ask yourself what are the spiritual challenges that these experiences raise. Does a particular grief experience raise questions about the goodness or justice of God for you. Even if logically you can absolve God of responsibility, do you need to cry out against the injustice or cruelty of the experience? Does your grief expose questions for you about the nature of the church, your understanding of humanity, or the validity of your sense of God’s call to you.
Your grief may not be due to a physical loss but rather a disillusionment with the meaning of your work, or the obtuseness of your official board, or the banal quality of what consumes most of your time and energy. These are not trivial forms of pain. They can eat away at your soul. Be honest in evaluating them.
Once you have moved past denial and acknowledged your grief, what do you do about it. That is what we will be looking at next.
