Continued from last week.
The five steps toward healing are: Recognizing, Reflection, Ritualization, Reconnecting, and Reorientation. See the previous blog for more information.
RITUALIZATION:
As clergy, we are familiar with the power of ritual in people’s lives. However, we sometimes forget to access it’s power in our own life. Once you have identified and reflected on a grief experience, you will benefit from developing a ritual that you will return to repeatedly that permits you to deliver your hurt to God. You may compose a prayer echoing Jesus’ prayer, “Never the less, your will, not mine be done.” Or you may want to identify some significant Scriptures that speak to the healing presence of God in times of pain. It might be from the Romans 8 passage referenced above. It might be from Jesus’ words spoken to the stormy sea—“Peace, be still.” It might be from a favorite psalm—“The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want . . .” Or, you might have a favorite hymn that gives you comfort. Amazing Grace has served that purpose for many. Perhaps Be Thou My Vision or Make Me a Captive Lord. Whatever you choose, you should commit a verse and the tune to memory so that you can sing it wherever you are.
Whatever the ritual act you choose, and you may draw upon several according to the circumstance, it should be something to which you turn, and if possible physically engage in it aloud when you are alone. What you are doing is reconnecting with your faith in a transcendent God who is not defeated by the negatives and can lift you up “out of the miry bog.” (Psalm 40:2)
RECONNECTION:
I mentioned to you earlier that one of the negative effects of grief, and most personal pain, is that of isolation. I think this is especially true for pastors. We may still be in proximity to many people, but there is a part of us that we are not willing to share with those around us. If enough of those occur, there can be a significant part of our spirit that is walled off from our neighbors.
Especially when the grief has been impactful, it will be healing to deliberately reconnect with important people around you. Reach out and touch someone is not bad advice. Invite someone to meet you for coffee, go to a social event with a friend, call someone who lives far away and with whom you have not communicated recently. Affirm a relationship to remind you of the quality of friendship.
REORIENTATION:
Allow the pain of the event to be channeled into some positive new act in your life. Anger, hurt, or pain can generate a lot of energy. Don’t let that energy either eat away at you or be wasted. A rather dramatic example is the energy a mother who had lost her child when the child was hit by a drunk driver was directed towards forming Mothers Against Drunk Drivers. It could be a small thing, like feeling neglected by the church when you were stressed and you resolve to be more sensitive to other church members and their challenges.
YOUR PAIN WILL TURN INTO JOY
Ministry is not easy. The better pastor you are, the bigger heart you have, the more sensitive you become, the more you love your congregation and the world around you, the more grief you will experience. If that is the path of taking up your cross and following Christ who is our Lord, then let us not deny the pain but allow it to be one of the vehicles by which we experience the grace of God.
