I’ve been reading Acedia and Me by Kathleen Norris. Actually I’ve been listening to it as I make this commute to work. I’ve not finished it but so far I’ve found it a fascinating analysis of our present spiritual condition.
Acedia is one of the “8 bad thoughts” that would eventually be compressed into “7 deadly sins.” Apparently, according to Norris, Acedia and Sloth were combined into the sin of sloth, but she suggests that was a mistake. Acedia can be roughly translated into a form of apathy, although it is a lot more complex than that. It is that condition in which you have lost any passion, positive or negative, to care about life.
As a brief reflection, it has caused me to wonder at what point a pastor experiences acedia in the ministry. Whether for a brief time, or a longer period, a pastor develops a deep loss of feeling for their ministry. There have been times when I have wondered “What’s the use?” I’ve banged my head against that door so many times that I lose the sense of hope that anything will really change. There is a close relationship between acedia and depression. Depression can be a physical condition, however, and acedia is more of a spiritual challenge.
Norris points out that acedia was considered by the early desert monks as one of the deadliest of thoughts. It can lead to all sorts of bizarre responses from total withdrawal to acting out in destructive ways. Fortunately my experiences of acedia have been brief but it does help me understand what can occur. From having sensed the call of God to not being able to experience any meaning in life at all could easily lead to alcohol, drugs, distorted sexual responses, etc. You can either attempt to deaden your feelings or go to extremes to hopefully feel something again.
I need to think more about this and how we can respond to a pastor who may be experiencing forms of acedia in the midst of their ministry.
