A third part of developing your antibodies, is developing some clarity as to the limits of your ministry. The integrity of your call includes recognizing that you are not the messiah. Often an aspect of our entering the ministry is that we want to help others. Often there are things that we can do to either help a person or empower them to help themselves. But there are limits to our abilities.
Sometimes the problem is far beyond our control. At such times, we need to be able to identify what it is that we can do, do it, and then let go of the results. Frequently I think I can see how a couple could change their behavior and repair their relationship, but I am not them and I don’t control their behavior. I am not even in charge of their capacity to listen or decide. I cannot raise the dead after a tragic accident, demand that forgiveness be offered in the face of betrayal, bail a person out of bankruptcy, etc. Yet it is not unusual for a pastor to carry the burden of unresolved traumas and blame him or herself for their inability to perform a miracle.
Sometimes others also want to lay the blame at our feet. In a congregation that is often seen in response to falling membership, budget shortfalls, congregational fighting, etc. A pastor can focus on being a good pastor but s/he cannot prevent all discomfort, please all people, and solve the budget problems, and negate the effects of the sins of the members.
A first step towards ameliorating such stress, is to find a way to acknowledge what one can and cannot do in a particular situation. Sometimes you can do that in your own private journal. Describe the situation, identify what you can do and what you cannot do. Underline the latter and then forgive yourself for not being a superhero. At other times, you may need to do that through confession to a trusted colleague or spiritual adviser. At times just hearing yourself speak aloud about a situation can help you honor your own limitations.
