what do you expect
In my novel, A STAR AND A TEAR, there is a description of the challenge of expectations, both the pastors and that of the congregation, that I think helps expose the conflicts that often lead to despair for many exhausted pastors.
His secretary has just challenged him about overworking. He then describes his own thought process. “He wasn’t offended. He just didn’t know how to meet his own expectations of ministry. The more projects he tried to address, the more parishioner needs failed to get his attention. The more he tried to meet the often legitimate needs of parishioners, the less time he could apply to the larger issues of the church and community. As the complexity of ministry increased, the more he felt inadequate to the task. The more inadequate he felt, the stronger was the feeling that people did not appreciate him.”
Duke study on Clergy Health
The Duke study on clergy health speaks of the effect of congregational criticism on the pastor. Many of us in the ministry are what are called “people pleasers.” We responded to the call because we wanted to help others and make the world a better place. The problem is that in any church there are a number of people who are quite certain what a pastor’s job should be but even they don’t agree with each other. On top of that, a pastor’s self-expectation is shaped by his or her own understanding of the faith and the larger church’s expectation of what a pastor should be doing.
SELF-EXPLORATION
It would be an interesting exercise for a pastor to try to write down what s/he considers the most important aspects of being faithful to his or her call.
Next, ask a couple of leaders in the church to look at the description and note where there might be tension between what the pastor expects of the pastor and what it is assumed the majority of the congregation expects.
A third step would be to ask the leadership to work with the pastor in addressing that tension and honoring the legitimate aspects of both.
AVOID ISOLATION
Since none of us are in perfect accord with what the Gospel calls us to be as a church, it is natural that there are going to be tensions. We can avoid a sense of despair if we can name the tensions and develop a community approach in addressing them. Isolation is a powerful tool of despair.
