As mentioned yesterday, when we speak of clergy self-care, most people tend to focus on the personal physical and emotional aspects of self-care. However, there are several other aspects to consider. A major factor that needs to be considered is that of the impact of a pastor’s profession on his or her family. Like most demanding professions, the time commitments and emotionally draining nature of being a pastor can have a cost on his or her family. A pastor frequently has several night meetings during the week and can often have responsibilities that can conflict with family commitments. Unlike many demanding professions, the pastor can not take a weekend when other members of the family have time available and almost never has the three-day weekend that most people can plan on. Over time, this can put a strain on family relationships.
In addition, because the pastor is such a public figure, it is not uncommon for family members to hear criticism of his or her work and yet they are usually not in a position to answer back in a way that they might like. Frequentlyalso there are pressures put upon the behavior of the members of the pastor’s family that can feel intrusive.
As a facilitator leads a session in such a conversation, it may be helpful for the session to be asked to name the types of pressures that a family can experience. Having made such a list, they could also be asked to brainstorm some strategies that can counter such pressures. However, it should be recognized that some of these pressures can not be eliminated. No one is going to eliminate the hurtful power of gossip in a congregation. However, what a session can do would be to have a couple of members of the session occasionally meet with members of the pastor’s family, inquire as to what they are experiencing, and offer them personal support.
Again, the conversation can have its own benefits. To recognize that we are not alone in handling such pressures is helpful.
