WHEN CLERGY TURN ON THEMSELVES
This third story in Clergy Tales—Tails: When God Wags the Tale, amzn.to/15TORlR begins with the pastor, Alan, returning home after an exhausting and frustrating day. It has clearly assaulted Allen’s sense of self-worth. Distracted by his thoughts, he turns his car too sharply and hits the curb as he enters his driveway. In a negative frame of mind, he castigates himself, “Way to go, Alan, you dumb shit. Lucky that none of your neighbors are out for an evening stroll.”
What causes a pastors to turn on themselves when they have had a series of negative experiences?
PASTORS AND CRUDE LANGUAGE
While most pastors have learned to discipline themselves and avoid crude language in public utterances, sometimes, in private, that discipline crumbles. When Alan’s wife, Marcia, tries to empathize with her frustrated husband, he explodes: “‘It was a perfect day. I consider it one of the privileges of my life to feed the egos of a bunch of self-indulgent prima donnas. Those fucking morons couldn’t distinguish an ethical value from a Krispy Kreme donut.'”
Do you think it is hypocritical or understandable that occasionally in private clergy will use crude language and exaggerated characterization about their experiences?
How do you related this to some of the strong language of the Psalms?
GRIEF FOR PROFESSIONALS
When Marcia invites a psychologist friend, Phyllis, to meet with them, Phyllis shares an experience she had in a hospital that alerted her to the problem of grief for medical personnel.
“One day over at the hospital, I opened a wrong door by accident and found one of the hospital’s best surgeons weeping in the closet. He had just lost a little girl in surgery. Like the compassionate person he was, he had sat with the family for over an hour absorbing their pain. Then he left them with the chaplain. No one noticed him entering the closet.
“‘I guess people are so focused on the family of the person who has died that they never think about the impact on the medical staff,’ I say”
What is your understanding of the effect on a person of not attending to their grief and keeping it locked up inside?
HOW GRIEF AFFECTS US
In addition to naming the stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, and acceptance—Paul speaks of the effects of grief on the person:
“‘Physically it makes the person’s body more vulnerable to breakdown, and they lack energy,’ I say.
“‘And emotionally,’ she presses.
“‘I’m not sure what the studies show,’ I say, ‘but from my experience, people in grief become more isolated They lose perspective, as well as emotional control. Their pain is so great that they are almost entirely self-absorbed.'”
Would you add anything to Paul’s assessment?
We continue in the next blog with our reflections about the lives of clergy as reflected in this third story in Clergy Tales—Tails: When God Wags the Tale, amzn.to/15TORlR
