I once heard a Catholic priest say that the church considered the family our domestic church. I’ve always loved that concept. If our faith is going to have integrity, it needs to be a lived faith and where better than in our domestic church. However, when once considers the factors that contribute to clergy dropping out of the ordained ministry, high up on the list is the family. If this is our domestic church, how do we apply the Gospel to how we live in the family.
The first issue to be confronted is whether one’s spouse accepts the calling to be part of a pastor’s family. It is not unusual for a pastor to sense God’s call after s/he is married or in a committed relationship. Even if the spouse knew and verbally accepted that you were going to be an ordained pastor, few people understand what it means to be part of a pastor’s family. Helping that spouse come to terms with what it means to be part of a pastor’s family can have benefits for both the spouse and the pastor.
In the Reformed faith, there is the concept that all of us, not just ordained clergy, have a call from God. Explore your respective roles from that perspective. Take some time apart from other distractions and let each of you try to articulate what you sense is God’s call for your life. In the same way that pastors can feel affected by a spouse’s lack of appreciation for his or her call, so the spouse may also need support in fulfilling the call that s/he is hearing from God, only part of which is that of being a pastor’s spouse.
The second step in your conversation is to have each of you speak to how you perceive your call bringing pressure on the other person. It might help to try to list five ways that you recognize your understanding of God’s call in your life affects your spouse. All marriages are affected by how each of us understand our purpose in life.
These two steps alone can help our family relationship. More on this tomorrow.
