Congregations want to assume that the pastor’s family is just a normal part of the membership. Actually, they would also like to think that could be possible. The problem is that there are some areas of church life that work against their just being average members.
When a pastor has a family member who is sick on Sunday morning, there is little question which adult will stay home to care for the children. When the pastor’s wife or children act in unusual ways, perhaps just because they had a bad day, their behavior is not separated from how people view the pastor’s ministry. When someone criticizes the pastor for something s/he has done, both spouse and children experience the pain. The list could go on. They might like to be treated like ordinary members, but often that is not possible.
The health of a pastor’s family can be supported by some simple acts of the official church board. Most pastor’s families understand that unique sacrifices are sometimes asked of the pastor. Yet if a pastor’s day off or vacation is interrupted by a church emergency, it might help if the members of the family received a note thanking them for this extra effort.
A birthday card from the church board that not only recognized the birthday but thanked the person for supporting the pastor might be well received.
A couple of church officials might once a year invite the whole family out to lunch, ask them if there are particular pressures of the ministry that they would like to share, and thanking the whole family for what they contribute to the church.
And, of course, trying hard to not treat family members as appendages of the pastor but as individuals with their own interests and gifts, is important.
Being understanding and supportive when the family is having problems in their own relationships can help remove some of the pressure. Being willing to support some counseling where appropriate is also helpful.
