There has apparently been a rise in the rate of suicide among clergy in recent years. I mentioned to you this past week that a pastor reported to me that he had recently talked to three pastors who had thought about some form of self-destructive act. It would be very easy to say that such thoughts come from a loss of faith or at least from horrible experiences of failure in the ministry. Yet, as I have tried to suggest, sometimes the experience of despair can be the context for a deepening of one’s faith.
You may recall that one of the earliest of our prophets came to the point of suicide right after he had experienced one of his greatest successes in his ministry. I’m referring to Elijah and his experience immediately after his triumph over the priests of Baal on Mount Carmel. Read 1 Kings 19:1-10 for an account of that experience. It would be good to reflect deeply on that account. What is it that caused Elijah such despair almost immediately after his triumph? To a lesser degree, I know that experience. I have talked with several pastors who have reported feeling depressed on Sunday afternoon following worship or right after a successful season of Christmas or Easter. Thankfully, for most of us, it does not enter the depth of despair that causes us to become self-destructive. However, we should pay attention to our colleagues, and they to us, that we might be ready to reach out with understanding when either of us are falling into that pit.
Notice several things about Elijah’s suicidal despair. First, he chose isolation in response to his despair. Second, he did not lose his faith, if we see that faith as a connection with God. It was to God that he prayed that he might die. Third, God’s response was not to condemn him but to send an angel or messenger to him. Fourth, the first attempt to communicate with Elijah by providing him nourishment, did not bring him out of his despair. Fifth, that which did get him moving again was by providing him with a new call, a new sense of purpose. Sometimes our despair is a result of a loss of sense of purpose. This may circle back to the original experience causing Elijah’s despair. Despite his moment of triumph, he discovered that the world was not cleansed of evil. If we work ourselves to exhaustion and the problems we struggled against still exist, then we can wonder whether there is any point in continuing. It is in discovering the reason for continuing that makes all the difference.
Despair does not have to be the end. It may be the first step in a new beginning.
