CONCLUSION OF FIVE PART STORY
PART FIVE
They pointed out the presence of the green men and women, though they weren’t sure which was which. “These creatures do not belong here,” the four-star general announced. “You are clearly violating the law by hiring illegal immigrants to do your farm work. We want to interrogate them to see how they got over our wall.”
The agents immediately surrounded Dick, although some of them were distracted by Marilyn, who in all of the excitement had neglected to put her clothes back on. The four-star general took out a pair of gold-plated handcuffs bearing the insignia of the President of the United States. “In the name of the President of the United States, we are placing you, Dick Jones, under arrest for hiring illegal immigrants and placing the safety of our nation at risk.”
Before the general could figure out how to place the handcuffs on Dick, the lead green woman stepped forward and interrupted, “I think you need to realize,” she said in an imitation of Marilyn, “that we all have our green cards and this makes us legal to be here.”
The four-star general gave one of the green cards to one of his aides to verify. The aide held it up to one of the green figures and declared that the colors matched.
The general was very embarrassed and began to apologize to everyone present. He spent more time apologizing to Marilyn than the rest of them but soon had made the rounds.
One of the agents then stepped forward and announced that he was really a priest in disguise and offered to baptize Dick and Jane’s child as a reward for their cooperation.
After the baptism, everyone celebrated and gave each other a hug of peace, although a couple of the green people did try to stick their fingers up the four-star general’s nose.
The green people were so affected by this demonstration of love, and since there was a priest present, they announced that they had a second confession to make. “While we have given up our original goal of stealing all the green plants from the earth, we also made a deal with a group of Canadian religious fanatics. They promised to give us a lot of green plants from Canada if we would fly a fission bomb across the border fence between the USA and Mexico. Apparently, these religious fanatics planned to explode the bomb out of love for humanity and in order to hasten the end time when all good religious folks would be raptured away from the explosion.”
“That is blasphemy,” sputtered the four-star general.
“That’s what we thought,” said the leader of the green people. “How can a people who believe in this wonderful faith based on love do such things? Even though they claim to be the only true Christians, we agree not to return the bomb to them.”
Everyone present wanted to find a way to express their gratitude to Dick and Jane for their hospitality.
Marilyn announced that as a ghost she had slept with every president since John F. Kennedy. “I will call the current president and tell him that if he will present the Congressional Medal of Honor to Dick and Jane for saving the planet, I won’t tell his wife on him.”
The green people whipped out their digital cameras and began to take pictures. They declared that they were going to take these pictures home with them and create a religious shrine as a symbol of peace between the peoples of both planets.
The security agents declared that in all of the excitement they had lost the keys to their vans. They asked if they could hitch a ride home in the saucer.
“In the interest of interplanetary safety,” the leader of the green people declared, “we will be glad to find a home for you.”
It is not known to this day where those agents were taken, but everyone has felt more secure since that time.
THE END
UNLESS, OF COURSE, THE LITTLE GREEN MEN RETURN TO SAVE US FROM OUR CURRENT POLITICAL CONFUSION.
SUBSCRIBE TO THE BLOG AND JOIN THE CONVERSATION ON HEALTHY CLERGY.
VOLUME 5 OF THE NINE-PART HEALTHY CLERGY MAKE HEALTHY CONGREGATIONS will be published soon. If you want in on a bargain price early edition, contact me at steve@smccutchan.com.
