Without realizing it, you become a god unto yourself. While you yearn to tell someone else so that they can admire how clever you are, you can’t really do that. So you become a god, creating your own little universe and setting your own standards of right and wrong. (You have eaten the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil.) If you give the appearance of success, others will praise you, but none can fully know who you are.
The kids are now in college. Marie has withdrawn into a little shell. We live with a silent agreement never to discuss where the money comes from. I’ve learned that religion sells and the internet expanded the market.
In the beginning, it was a thrill to be called by God. I believed I was being called to be part of God’s team to save the world. Somewhere that connection got lost. Maybe it was when I began to create my own little universe. At first it was for a good cause. I wanted to make Marie and the children happier. It felt good to please them. Soon my ego was stroked, not only their admiration but by my own cleverness. And there was also the risk. It makes me feel alive.
How long will it last. I’m not sure that an addict ever asks that question. They only focus on the next high. I’m speaking at a religious convention next week in Las Vegas. The title of my speech is “God didn’t create this rich earth and then call you to be poor.”
I’ve also been studying up on how to win at the Black Jack Table. Most people think it all depends on luck, but I think I’ve discovered a method that just might work.
THE END
