I have a close friend in the ministry who told me that when he was dating the woman who would become his wife she asked him directly if he had any intentions of becoming a pastor. The implication of the question was that if he had such an intention, the relationship was going to end because she had no intention of becoming a pastor’s wife. He said that his daddy was a preacher so he knew what it meant and he had absolutely no intention of becoming a pastor himself. He was sincere in his answer but he didn’t understand the power of God’s call in his life.
Fortunately his wife did not follow through on her threat to take him to divorce court when later in his life he did hear God’s call. What she was recognizing, however, is that responding to God’s call has implications not only for the person called but others who are close to him or her. It is only reported in Genesis 12:1 that the call came to Abram, but Sarai also left behind family and friends as well as the security of familiar surroundings in response to the call. While I do not know how it is for a male spouse of a pastor, I am well aware of the pressures that my wife has experienced as she supported me in responding to my call. While everyone is affected by the particular professions chosen, I think many lay people would be surprised at how many ways the pastor’s family is affected by their position. While most pastors are well aware that they have chosen a calling that does not provide the salaries that equally educated people can draw and that their freedom with respect to time is limited, the truth is that their families also feel that pressure.
Just one small suggestion for both sessions and presbyteries. There would be a positive impact if occasionally individual family members of a pastor received a note expressing an awareness that the pastor’s family is affected by the demands of the pastorate and thanking them for their support. It would be great for a pastor’s spouse to receive such a note but I think it would be powerful for the pastor’s children to receive that recognition as well. In this day of computer technology, what about getting the baptism date of family members in a pastor’s family and recognizing their part in God’s call on their baptism anniversary.
