We talk alot about forgiveness in the church. Usually we focus those comments on our need to forgive someone who has offended us. Most pastors have seen how damaging the unwillingness to offer forgiveness can be to the one who has been offended. I once had a parishoner who suffered strong migraine headaches. When I talked to her about this, it became clear that she harbored deep seated anger at her father for what she felt was an unfair distribution of family inheritance. Since she and her husband were doing quite well economically, it was not a case of economic survival. It also became clear that she had never shared her feelings with her father. He was not suffering as a result of her anger. Only she was.
I share that story as an example of the power of anger to hurt the person who is feeling the anger. In this case, and in many other examples that I have encountered, the other person was either unaware or had moved on to other life challenges. If the person bearing the anger could have offered forgiveness, everyone would have experienced some healing.
Now my question for pastors. I wonder how often we actually feel anger at God for the conditions of our ministry. And, like my parishoner, I wonder how often that anger hurts us rather than God. My theological assumption is that God is fully capable of receiving our anger but we frequently are reluctant to express it, or even acknowldege it to ourselves. The result is a sense of distance from God,
It might feel strange at first, but I wonder whether there might not be a healing effect of practicing the art of forgiveness with respect to your relationship with God. I want to look at that further tomorrow.
