I want to explore several aspects of being a pastor, both the good and the bad of it. My hope is to do it in a combination of essays and theological fiction. Since I am not aware of who is reading this, I simply invite your response in any form you like.
The first area I want to explore is that of addiction. While it certainly includes drugs or alcohol, I believe that addiction can come in many forms. For many professionals I think it often begins with a form of the idea of exceptionalism. Let me use some very public examples. When Bill Clinton finally came to a point of talking publically about his affair with Monica, he was asked why he had done it. His answer was that he had done it for the worst reason ever. “I did it because I could,” he said. Or look at Jim Baker, the head of the Praise the Lord (PTL) television program. He said that he based his reason for his sexual escapade on the basis that the “shepherd deserves special care.” He decided that because of all his hard work for the Lord, that he deserved a special favor. In each of these and many other examples, the person decided that they were the exception to the rule.
Clergy, because of their extraordinary hard work and devotion to good causes, can fall into the trap of exceptionalism, or consider themselves to be a special case that falls outside the rules. There is a special thrill to breaking the rules and getting away with it. It is a form of narcissism that considers one’s personal feelings to be of supreme importance.
The problem is that, according to the nature of addiction, the first thrill must be followed by another thrill, and to increase the stakes makes the thrill even better. Since breaking the rules requires a certain amount of secrecy, there is no one that you can share with who can help you evaluate the nature of your thinking process. You become isolated with your thinking, and in a theological sense, you become a god unto yourself.
Over the next few days, I want to share with you a short story inspired by the temptation story in Genesis 3 that puts flesh on the abstract thoughts that I have shared with you.
This looks very interesting, Steve. Looking forward to it!
Steve, I agree with you about the addiction and look forward to your reflections.
One of the things I learned from addicts when I worked at CenterPoint was their difficulty in acknowledging every day step 1: my life is unmanageable. They say when they omit step 1 in their daily practice is when they are mostly likely to return to their drug or behavior of choice.
Step 1 has seemed to me for many years to be the stumbling block for church members as well. We all seem to be addicted to being in total control of our lives, regardless of how well we are not managing them. I find this step very compatible to the good news and what happened to Adam and Eve.
Thanks for taking the time to reflect on this issue.