THE COST OF LISTENING
Most churches would agree that they value a pastor who can listen with sensitivity to people who come to them. It is a harsh criticism of a pastor to say that he doesn’t listen. What both the pastor and the congregation need to realize is that there is a high cost to listening to someone else. It takes a lot of energy to really pay attention to another person. You are not only listening to their words but also paying attention to their emotions, body language, etc.
CONGREGATIONAL LIFE
This is a very demanding task in intense counseling situations. It becomes more complicated when what they are talking about is not a personal crisis but an opinion about congregational life, the state of the world, etc. Many people in a congregation want their pastors to be able to listen and empathize with them with respect to whatever they are feeling. Especially in these types of situations, the pastor also has both opinions and a measure of self-interest. It costs you when you try to actively listen to a person who is criticizing the way worship is conducted or expressing concern about the church’s position on a social issue. Yet most pastors realize that the skill of active listening can be very effective in those situations as well.
SPIRIT POURED OUT
The problem comes when both the pastor and the congregation fail to realize that when you truly listen to another, you are pouring out some of your spirit. If you are going to really be good at doing that, you need to regularly take time to breathe the spirit back in. That is why both the congregation and the pastor should insist that there is time set aside for prayer and meditation.
Authentic listening without formulating a reply in the process, without judging, without being defensive, etc. is so difficult. But it is a practice that can be learned. I’m working on it — and will be for the rest of my life. Thanks for lifting up pastors for consideration of the difficulties they face in this regard. They are often/usually called on to participate in only one-sided communication. It wears on the body as well as the spirit.
And thank you for your continuing concern for the Church and clergy.