HOW CLERGY FACE THEIR OWN PROBLEMS

NAMING THE DEMON

I believe there is no shame in having a problem in your life. The faith question is whether you are willing to admit to yourself that you have a problem. Rollo May in LOVE AND WILL points out that the term we translate demon comes from daimon. The term means natural urges and forces in our life. The demonic is the experience of having one of those natural urges begin to dominate and control our life. There is nothing wrong with the urge to obtain something that pleases us. It becomes demonic when greed tends to dominate our decisions. In the Bible, Jesus exorcised the demons by first naming them.
Begin by naming whatever the factor is that is causing stress in your life. You may be worried about your temper, your fear of failure or being ridiculed, your desire to accumulate possessions, your inability to deal with conflict, doubts about faith, etc. By naming that which is stressing you, you have already taken a step towards regaining some control over this force in your life.

PUTTING WORDS ONTO YOUR CHAOS

In Genesis, when everything was without form and void, when everything was utter chaos, God began to bring order out of chaos by speaking a word. Naming the demon was the first step in bringing order to the chaos of your life. Now, whether by computer or a pen and paper, begin writing about what the problem is in your life. You don’t have to show anyone, so focus on being honest about the situation. At this point, you are not looking for solutions. You are trying to describe the reality.
For example, you might describe how a parishioner is driving you nuts by his or her constant complaining. Or you may be feeling guilty because you don’t have the courage to speak out about an issue that is troubling your community. Or you may be jealous of the success of one of your colleagues. Or you may be furious that your children are acting out in a way that you find embarrassing, and your wife won’t help you in bringing them under control.
The objective is to gain control over your response to the situation.

GOOD AND BAD ALTERNATIVES

A major stressor in life is when we feel we have no choice. Our humanity is exercised when we recognize that we have not lost control of ourselves. You can actually have some fun at this point in the process. Use some exaggeration and make a list of some bad choices in response to your situation. For example, you may feel depressed about your inability to work with your governing board in shaping the mission of the church. So one bad choice is that you might buy a large bottle of Scotch and go on a three-day bender. Another bad choice is that you might preach a sermon on the issue naming the names of the governing board as you castigate them for being irresponsible and faithless. Go ahead and identify some really bad solutions to your problem.
Now that you have that out of your system, try to identify some first steps that you might take that you think might contribute to a more positive outcome. These are not final solutions but first steps that might or might not work, but at least, they are in a positive direction.

BUILDING COMMUNITY

Now that you have named and described your situation, you are ready to take the next step. When you are feeling pain or stress, the tendency is to isolate yourself off from others. Most bad steps in response to pain are those that are made in isolation. This step involves sharing selected portions of the work you have been doing. You are still in charge, and you pick with whom you will share and what you will share.
Depending on the issue, you also have a variety of possibilities. This may be an issue that you talk over with a trusted colleague. If you are part of a presbytery, there may be a member of the staff with whom you can talk. Some presbyteries have made arrangements with a trained counselor with whom their members can talk. If you are a member of the Presbyterian Board of Pensions, you have access to some free counseling by contacting the Benefits Connect part of their system. You can access the contact information by connecting with the Board of Pensions of the Presbyterian Church and clicking on the Benefits Connect part of their web page.
Just the act of trying to describe the issue and some of the possible steps that you have considered will be helpful. As you hear yourself talking, you will often hear it in a new way. This is independent of the wisdom of what the counselor or colleague suggests.

ROME WASN’T BUILT IN A DAY

You have already taken some significant steps towards regaining control over the issue that is stressing you. Some of the steps won’t be effective, but you can learn from even the failures. The main goal is to regain a sense that you are in control of your problem rather than your problem being in control of you.
What I have described is a very rationale process, and your problem may have generated such deep and conflicting emotions that you will think such steps would never work. I would encourage you to experiment with these steps. You might want to begin with a smaller problem at first and see how it works.

The major message I would leave with you is that God didn’t make an error in judgment when you were called. You are worth finding a way beyond what is stressing you.