HOW YOU THINK OTHERS SEE YOU
You can’t avoid having ideas about how others see you. Your assumptions about what others see can have a dramatic effect on how you respond. I want to suggest a simple exercise that can have some significant effects. However, it won’t have any effect if you read this and then ignore the exercise. SO JUST DO IT and then evaluate its worth later.
You can either do this with a pad of paper or on the computer or notepad. The exercise is simple. Without thinking too hard about this, make a list of ten positive ways that people think about you.
While this is valuable for anyone, if you are a pastor or educator, try to make the statements as it relates to your work at the church or agency where you exercise your ministry.
You are guessing, of course, but those underlying assumptions are present in your life. Don’t stop until you have at least ten statements. Keep all ten positive.
Now read them aloud. Hear yourself saying, “Most people think ??? about me.” How does it make you feel when you hear yourself saying those things?
LESS POSITIVE IMAGES
Now reverse the process. Even if you think they are wrong, make five criticisms you think some people might make about you. Again, for church workers, focus on the criticisms some might make about how you exercise your ministry.
Under each statement, add a sentence or two about why you think they might say that about you. Focus on behavior. What are things you might do or say that, even if they are misperceived, allow some to make that criticism.
While at least three of the statements should be made about criticisms that several people might make about you, it is ok if at least a couple of statements are about some individuals critidcisms. What is it you do that allows them to form a negative perception.
FIRST STEPS
Now you have a choice. You can either conclude that people are idiots who make that criticism about you, or you can decide there are steps you can take that will soften that criticism. Integrity may necessitate that you don’t change some behavior that brings criticism, but if there are ways that enable you to take the same steps more effectively, that might be worth exploring.
Look at the combinaton of positive and critical statements you have made above and ask yourself, “Are there ways I can make use of some of my perceived strengths to ameliorate some of the criticism and therefore be more effective in my ministry.
THE POWER OF WORDS
I want to encourage you to explore how we can make use of our writing skills to strengthen ourselves, examine and improve our ministry, and resolve some of the conflicts that we sometimes experience in ourselves. Too often we allow conflicting feelings and ideas to continue to affect our peace of mind when placing those thoughts into words on paper or the computer, can help us move beyond them.
Re/”racism” — I find myself discovering instance after instance of CHURCH LEADERS from several factions/denominations and racial groups within established denominations telling themselves stories/parables with Biblical references (actually more proof texts than honest exegesis) to justify regarding other racial groups as inferior. Witness the Afrikaner Dutch Reformed Church believing they were enlightening the native South Africans; the Southern Baptists likewise; the Portugese in Brasil (while they stole the gold), and so forth. Fiction in service OF racism has a terrible history.
What a great idea in self perception , which could and should lead to self improvement. Thanks. This will be on my list of ‘to do’ things for later today. So happy that you are continuing to inspire us .
You make an excellent point. Not all stories or parables contribute to a healthy conversation. The danger is that we freeze the stories into place and there needs to be counter parables that challenge our way of thinking. Jesus’ parables tended to disrupt the parameters of life and turn our assumed values upside down. Consider how the parable of the Good Samaritan challenged both piety and nationalism but is often reduced to the need to be kind to each other. Parables that reinforce our comfort with life as it is should always be suspect. However, it is frequently counter parables that get beyond our defences so we need to keep telling our stories.
THE PARABLE of the WET BOYS. Imagine a group of suburban boys, junior high age, whose YMCA does not have a swimming pool, much less an indoor pool for winter. Their wealthy YMCA contracts with an inner-city, long-established Y to hold swimming lessons for an hour each week after school, to use a very nicely outfitted olympic-length indoor pool. The neighborhood of the old Y has declined as the racial redlining of this industrial city moved white laborers and managers out and just-above-poverty blacks moved in to rent from absentee landlords.
Each trip to swimming lessons on the Y Bus goes well enough for some weeks, but when the suburban white boys come in, the black local guys have to vacate their locker room and their pool. One evening, the visiting group is waiting in the long, steep stairwell after lessons, before reboarding the bus. There are no local kids nor adults in the stairwell. A couple of the suburban boys are making clearly racial, mocking comments about the local kids’ clothes, their appearance, and the n-word gets spoken. One of the oldest guys in the group confronts the three or four who are doing the mocking, telling them to shut up and to remember we are GUESTS in this place. Tensions mount, and challenges to fight. The older guy is getting no support from peers–and he says, “This is the young men’s CHRISTIAN association, you guys!” The bus driver and the swim instructor from the suburbs show up precisely then, and everyone cools down silently and goes out to winter cold and to the bus–where we discover someone has broken in and has gone through, slashing every seat with a knife.
This “counter-parable” has haunted me since 1957. Now that I have seen real courage in race relations among wonderfully generous hosts in South Africa, I am not feeling so righteous about how I interpreted this story between 1957 and now.