SAYING A GOOD GOODBYE
We continue to think about how a well loved pastor should prepare the congregation for the pastor’s retirement. In the last blog you began creating a picture of what you thought you should do in preparing the congregation and what you should do after retirement. Now let’s begin to get more specific.
MAKE USE OF THOSE HORROR STORIES
You’ve heard the horror stories of good pastors creating problems for their former church because they didn’t know how to “let go” in a healthy manner. That is where we begin. Make a list of at least ten problems that might be caused by inappropriate actions on the behalf of the pastor upon leaving the church. What you are doing is describing how a pastor might do it wrong. By making a list of ten, you have to dig deeper in thinking about what you don’t want to do.
INITIATE THE CONVERSATION
Most congregations have never even thought about how a former pastor, especially one who was deeply loved, might behave in ways that could actually hurt the church s/he loved. You will forestall a whole lot of problems by educating the congregation, especially it’s leadership, about some of these issues. Identify some examples for people to talk about. Sometimes, for example, members feel insulted that the pastor doesn’t maintain close contact with their former parishioners. They don’t understand that, while painful for the pastor, such separation is necessary. Like the pastor, a congregation needs to stop looking back and begin to look forward.
LITURGY BINDS PEOPLE
An obvious example is the celebration of high moments like baptisms, marriages, and funerals. It is not easy for a pastor who has been present for a person’s birth, baptism, and confirmation, not to feel a thrill at being asked to celebrate the wedding. Yet, if the pastor returns for such important events, the new pastor is prevented from sharing in the very events that cement the relationships between pastor and congregation.
The analogy that I used with my congregation, which made them uncomfortable but also clarified the issue, was a family divorce. Imagine after twenty-five years of marriage a couple decides to get divorced. The wife meets a new man and wants to move on in her life. The former husband keeps showing up for important family events and even occasionally makes comments about the new husband to other family members. How does that affect the integration of the new husband into the family? It’s not a perfect analogy, but it does convey some of the difficulties.
HELP EACH OTHER MAKE THE TRANSITION
In the next blog, we will look at how the congregation can join with the pastor in making healthy transitions.
