The ground of my hope, as expressed in yesterday’s comments, leads me to believe that no condition of my life need be meaningless and no act of faith, no matter how small, is wasted. Therefore, I contemplate my remaining years as a new adventure. I know that it is likely that my health will not always remain good and either my wife or I will have to experience the grief of one of our deaths. The thought of my being left without her fills me with immense pain. While I think she is far more capable of managing the details of life then I am, I am also aware that my death would cause her deep pain. We have been very blessed in having been able to work through the variety of marital difficulties and still remain deeply in love. One of my calls in these years is to grow in my ability to be sensitive and supportive as a husband.
I am aware that having experienced relatively good health most of my life, I am not very patient with myself when I experience sickness or disability. One of my calls in these years is to increase my capability in responding to such situations. I return to the passage in John 21:18-19 where Jesus speaks to Peter of the time when he will grow old and others will “take you where you do not wish to go.” and yet, the editor of John adds, “(He said this to indicate the kind of death by which he would glorify God.)” I want to arrive at the point of my faith journey that even if I suffer a period of illness or disability, I might live in a way to glorify God. If I am going to do that, I need to begin now to prepare myself spiritually. That is part of my call in the next few years.
Life continues to hold the possibility of adventure and vocation. I rejoice.
