COURTSHIP
A clergy and church meet and are mutually attracted. They court, learn about each other, and explore a possible future together. They become engaged, and with support from their friends (Presbytery) make a mutual public commitment (marriage). Too many marriages flounder. Some lead to quick divorces while others continue to stay together but emotionally move apart. The Presbytery, or its regional equivalent, have a responsibility to provide premarital counseling that can contribute to fulfilling the promise of a healthy marriage.
A CONVERSATION WITH THE PNC/SESSION
To continue with the marriage analogy, sometimes you are so focused on the new relationship, that you neglect to recall the wisdom you have gained from your history. Here is a suggestion for the presbytery liaison to have with a combined meeting of the PNC and the session. Make sure that several people respond to each question so that both you and they are hearing the variety of opinions in the congregation.
- When you think about the last two or three pastors in this congregation, what were some of the best things they did during their ministry at the church? (This is important even if the relationship ended badly. All pastors do some good and bad things.)
- When you think about their tenure – long or short—what type of pockets of resistance did they encounter. You may feel the resistance was legitimate or inappropriate, but it needs to be acknowledged.
- How did those pastors respond to that resistance? How did the Session and/or the congregation respond to the different forms of resistance that arose?
- What wisdom do you derive from those experiences that might be helpful in your next relationship?
Your future relationship with the new pastor.
- If you were to identify four or five things you hope the new pastor will do in the first year of his or her pastorate, what would they be? It would be normal for there to be a variety of responses. Remember, you are looking for actions and not accomplishments.
- Given your knowledge of this congregation and the variety within its membership, what type of resistance might occur from individuals or groups if the pastor did what you are suggesting?
- What are some ways that both the session and the PNC can support the pastor in responding to these types of resistance in a healthy manner?
Next, what do you think God might want to say to this congregation as they begin this relationship with a new spiritual leader?
Are there ways that those thoughts might be shared with the congregation and the new clergy?
PRESBYTERY AS PARTNER
Let’s continue with the marriage analogy. In a marriage, you want your friends to be supportive of your relationship, but friends can create problems if they interfere in the wrong way.
What two or three ways can you identify that presbytery can be most supportive of the clergy/congregation relationship in the first year?
Friends who choose up sides can create more problems. How can a presbytery avoid choosing sides but be supportive in nurturing the health of your relationship?
