One of the ways that a presbytery or governing body can help families of clergy is by helping them realize that they are not alone in coping with the pressures of being part of a clergy family. The committee on ministry or other appropriate committee could create a simple survey on the pressures of clergy family life to gather information. The composite survey could be shared with the presbytery and the local congregations to raise awareness of the pressures experienced.
The first survey could focus on pressure on spouses and ask such questions as these. In the past 6 months, how often have you had a family meal interrupted because of a congregational emergency? Has the pastor’s responsibilities resulted in you having to attend school events and/or parent-teacher meetings by yourself? Have family celebrations of birthdays, etc. been altered because of congregational events? Have you felt as if you were treated differently than other members of the congregation when it came to serving on committees, the Session, etc? How clear are you on what the congregation expects from a pastor’s spouse? Do you feel that you and your spouse differ on the expectations of a clergy spouse? How has the lack of a two day weekend and occasional three day weekend affected your relations with your extended family? How often have you been affected by hearing negative comments about the church and the clergy? Provide a sentence or so describing what it feels like to live in the fishbowl within the congregation. What is one thing that could be altered that you think would make the pressures more manageable.
A second round, which I think could be very educational, would be to develop questions for the children and youth of a clergy family. In all cases, it would be important to assure them that the surveys would be anonymous and how the information would be used. Even though the pressures will continue to exist, the awareness that others recognize what you are experiencing can have a beneficial result.
