It is interesting for me how many otherwise very intelligent and sensitive pastors, upon retirement, are not able to separate themselves from the church which they have been serving. Frequently this can cause significant problems for their successor and for the church that they love. There are at least two sources of this problem.
First, the pastor genuinely cares about the church from which they have retired, and are not able to refuse requests from members for acts of ministry. The most frequent areas of involvement are liturgical events like marriages or funerals, and occasionally baptisms. Particularly if they had a long and significant ministry with the congregation, it is understandable why a member, having fond memories of their association, want the retired pastor to perform these rites in their family.
The second source of the problem is the minister’s own sense of identity. Without even realizing it, we have become very comfortable with our identity as pastor of such and such church. While I was pastor, I rarely had someone ask me what I was doing with my time. Since retirement, I have had numerous people ask me what I was doing during retirement. Not infrequently, I found myself trying to justify my use of my time. We find our public identity in what we do and upon retirement, we have abruptly lost our sense of identity. Sometimes it is a temptation to retain some of that identity and be affirmed by members of our previous church asking us to be a pastor to them. Some pastors are very alert to former members going into the hospital, needing counseling, etc.
As an ex-pastor, we are not unlike an ex-spouse who keeps coming by the house and offering small services. This becomes particularly unhealthy when the congregation has called a new pastor. That pastor is trying to establish relationships with the members, the bonds of which are often formed around such liturgical and compassionate actions and that is made more difficult if the former pastor keeps hanging around. Imagine an ex-spouse hanging around and even commenting on the behavior of the newly married spouse.
