Retirement also affects your family relationships. If you have been a seventy hour a week pastor, it is an adjustment to suddenly not have to “go to work.” Of course you may still be very busy but you will have a new range of choices in how to fill your time. Both you and your spouse, as well as your adult children may have expectations with respect to how you spend your time. One of the healthiest exercises you can engage in is to bring those various expectations out in the open.
At least with your spouse, but if possible with your children and grandchildren, it would be good for all of you to take a few moments and write out at least five expectations that you have with respect to how you will be spending your time in retirement. It won’t cover everything but you will probably be surprised at some of the assumptions that are under the surface. It might even be a fun evening for you to hear what your grandchildren are thinking as well as other members of the family.
A more serious and very important issue is for you and your spouse to do this with each other. While your spouse may have strong feelings about your wearing yourself out with seventy hour weeks, that spouse may not be ready to have you hanging around home all day either. Or she may be assuming that you will now be free to help her or be with her in ways that you have not known.
If you have hobbies that you have been longing to engage in, how will your spouse feel about your time spent in those activities. Has he or she been anticipating some activities that you have not even thought of. Have your children been assuming that you would visit more often, help them out in some significant way, become involved in some of their activities, etc.
The point is that the first step to ordering your new life is to be clear about not only your expectations but also those other members of your family. Retirement can be a great opportunity for new experiences and adventures. Inadvertently it can also be a source of new tensions within your family if you don’t approach it with some clarification.
