Single Pastors and Families

As I have done workshops around how congregations and presbyteries can care for pastors, I have emphasized the need to include their families in that care. I have been appropriately reminded that we should not assume that all pastors have traditional families. The single pastor and the single pastor with children have unique challenges that need to be recognized.

Single pastors with children are especially challenged by their responsibility for their children. During my time as a pastor, if one of my children got sick, my wife would stay with the child as I responded to the responsibilities of being a pastor. Who does that when the pastor is single. Does the church have a contingency plan if on Sunday morning the child wakes up sick and the worship service is approaching? Does the church recognize the increased expense of child care given all the night meetings that a pastor is expected to attend? What happens when a school event in which your child is involved conflicts with a church meeting? Has that ever been talked about ahead of time with the pastor?

Single pastors without children also face some special challenges. They do have a family but often the schedule of church events denies them the freedom to attend such family times as Christmas or Easter gathering? Staying in touch with one’s family when they live elsewhere can become expensive. Does the church recognize its importance? Is there some understanding that events involving special friends that constitute the pastor’s support group can take precedence over some church events? Do people assume that because the pastor is single, s/he should be available for all events at the church? That is hard enough for the married pastor to negotiate but even more difficult for the single pastor.

Paying attention to the unique pressures put on pastor’s families in all their forms can contribute to the health and effectiveness of a pastor.