One of the great quanderies that has evolved in ministry is how to set boundaries in interpersonal relationships. This ranges everywhere from whether a pastor should date anyone in the congregation to where hugs and touching are appropriate and where they are not. While there is no perfect answer, it is important for a pastor to have reflected ahead of time on where they want to draw the lines in a variety of situations. Many clergy get themselves into trouble because they have not reflected on the issue ahead of time.
Particularly as we develop more technological means of communication, there is an increasing sense of lonliness among humans. Thirty some years ago one author coined the phrase “High Tech, High Touch” to suggest that the hunger for human touch grows with our advance in technology. It is clear from many studies that humans need to be touched. The problem is that as our hunger for touch grows, the danger of inappropriate touch also increases.
This can become a very complex issue at times of crisis. Many people who experience crisis turn to pastors for counsel.Crisis often bring the sense of isolation and touching can help to reestablish the sense of community. At such times people can need the strength conveyed by a hug or some other form of human touchning. However, whether because of the hunger of the counselee or the unacknowledged hunger of the pastor, hugging and holding each other can lead to inappropriate results.
One small internal rule might be what might be called the public rule. Would the type of touchning you are engaged in be something that you would be willing to do in public where others were watching? It is not uncommon for there to be a lot of hugging and touching done in public at a time of crisis. If you can view your behavior in that light, there is a better chance that it might be appropriate.
We will explore other types of boundaries in future blogs.
