I’ve talked to several pastors lately who are entering the final decade of their active ministry. Some of them use a phrase that I remember using myself when I had about six years left. It was in a conversation with my wife where I said, “I only have to hold on for another six years.” She responded in a very wise way. She said, “You don’t want to spend the next six years just trying to hold on.”
I was reminded of that as I listened to Kathleen Norris’ book Acedia and Me . Acedia, again very roughly translated as apathy or a loss of passion and meaning, can easily become a struggle for a pastor in their last years. Yes, its true that for many of us, ministry doesn’t cease at retirement, but as you enter these final years of active pastoring a church, you do begin to think of things from a different perspective. You are no longer looking for new programs to implement or how to restructure the church. Nor are you looking for new counseling techniques or how to be a better preacher. When plans fall through it is very easy to slip into acedia, why care.
It is also easy to judge your past harshly. What have I accomplished? Does anything I’ve done have lasting value? Was my ministry really worthwhile? There is a familiar phrase about such ministry that I have used myself. I’ve said, “He retired several years before he quit.” That is a version of acedia.
For those of us who have been passionate about ministry and willing to dedicate long hours and lots of emotion in the exercise of ministry, it is natural to approach the last five years or so with a sense of weariness of both body and emotions. Fortunately for me, awakened by my wife’s comments, I sought to re-frame my perspective to realistically view my future in a way that revived my energy rather than sapped it.
More thoughts tomorrow.
These thoughts have application in a larger sphere, don’t they? My sisters are both about to end their active working life. They have “hung on” way longer than they wanted or needed to because they wanted all their “due” for retirement. I kept urging them to leave their situations because of the various reasons each disliked their jobs. And because a few dollars more in monthly retirement would mean little to them ultimately, compared to the toll the environments were likely to take on their bodies and minds and maybe the length of their lives. They both went for the long haul. I wonder now that I will be last, when I should stop? I work in an unpleasant and emotionally challenging “place” for me and many others. But the immediate environment, boss and others around me, could not be more positive. If that changes, I guess I will change. But for now, I think I’m good. Thanks for this entry, Steve!
Cindy: Thanks for your comments. A critical issue is whether you can find a way to reframe your perspective on your work in a way that gives you some satisfaction. As Victor Frankle said, If a person has a why they can endure almost any how. The WHY needs to make the distasteful part worth putting up with. Your WHY may be a satisfaction in supporting your colleagues. Another aspect is the WHY in retirement. What is it you are looking forward to doing and how strong a pull is that. In the end, it is finding satisfaction in living and that comes in many forms. Sometimes it is worth enduring a lot of negatives because you are able to accomplish something that is worthwhile. Hope your future unfolds in a meaningful way.
Thank you for the follow up. I will use it! For now, the purpose is best served to continue working, even without the monetary consideration. There are people who need what I can do. Always a good feeling. God bless you in your travels!