I have been receiving help on my development of comedy from Judy Carter who wrote the Comedy Bible. Recently she shared some tips on how to handle hecklers that seemed to me to also be appropriate for pastors responding to insulting remarks from others. I share them with you as you enter a stressful season that may well test your ability to respond to insensitive people.
1. VALIDATE THE INSULT
That’s right! Repeat back exactly what was said. Not only will the person feel heard but this gives you the time and distance to avoid an instinctive reaction like defensiveness or revenge and to choose a more light-hearted response.
Example:
Aunt June: “You’ve gained weight!”
You: “You think I’ve gained weight? Oh, thank you for noticing! My anorexia is cured!”
2. DON’T TAKE THE BAIT
When Aunt June starts in on you, walk away. Don’t allow yourself to be manipulated. Remember an attack is just a reflection of someone else’s insecurities. Don’t take it personally and don’t try to defend yourself. Stay confident, stay in a state of high-status and go talk to Uncle Bob instead.
3. DON’T GET MAD, GET FUNNY.
Anger is an energy zone. Stay out of it! Even if Aunt June is wrong (and we all know she is ALWAYS wrong), there’s no need to prove that you are right. Stepping into the Anger Zone puts you into combat, escalates the war and what’s worse, Aunt June chose the weapons. There is no way you can win. Choose funny. For your own benefit.
Example:
Aunt June: “You should have told us you & [insert ex’s name here] were having problems!”
You: “You’re right! From now on, I’m going to share all my problems with you. Will you take a look at this rash?”
4. TAKE NOTES
Family meals and holidays make great fodder for stand-up routines, tell-all memoirs and bitter journal entries! Whatever you do, don’t miss a word – bring a notebook and when Aunt June tears into your little sister instead of the turkey, whip out a pen. She’ll be so startled to hear you’re taking notes, she might just shut up!
Example:
Aunt June: “What’s that?”
You: “Oh, I’m creating this character based on you so I want to make sure I capture your authentic voice!”
Judy Carter is the author of “The Comedy Bible” and a motivational-humorist whose appeared on Oprah, Good Morning America and CNN. Watch hilarious clips from her stress-reducing keynotes, visit: www.judycarter.com
