“Even in a democracy, that’s where the resistance comes from,” said Al. “Members of congregations like mine want to believe that law preserves order in society and if we stay out of trouble, all will be well.”
“A lot of Latinos don’t have the luxury of that bubble of order,” Carla said.
“I’m not trying to defend us as pastors” Al said, “but I do think I understand what we are up against.”
“But what about the Bible?” Carla pressed. “Jesus castigated the scribes and Pharisees as hypocrites? Shouldn’t our churches preach ‘For you tithe mint, dill, and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law; justice and mercy and faith.’”
“Yes, but that’s the bind,” Al said. “Many people in our congregations want to be merciful but only if it doesn’t change things too much. They want to cling to the order in society that benefits them — hide under their self-constructed dome, as it were. These are the people who pay the pastor’s salary and, maybe even more important, these are the people who are the pastor’s friends.”
Carla looked at him for a long time before speaking. “You’re caught in that bind too, aren’t you? Now I’ve added to it because of our friendship.”
“I’ll admit that our friendship adds to the pressure, but there is something deeper than that. Maybe it is not true for you, but I don’t know many pastors who don’t, at some level, feel they compromise their souls in the very act of being in the ministry.”
“I’m not sure I understand,” said Carla. “What do you mean they have compromised their souls?”
“Look at it this way,” said Al. “Congregations can be like hypersensitive lovers. Earlier you spoke of that boyfriend that rejected you. I’m sure you’ve had plenty of other boyfriends.”
Carla looked away as if embarrassed. “There have been a few, but none of them worked out in the end.”
“I’m not trying to pry, Carla, but did you ever have a relationship that started out well but then his always wanting more and more began to dominate and drain you.”
“That sounds familiar,” Carla said. “I reach a point in which I just have to leave to breathe.”
“Sometimes that is the way it is with a congregation. You fall in love with a people,” said Al. “At first you think the relationship is made in heaven, and you want to do things to please them. But then their constant demands begin to chip away at your passion.”
“Why don’t they leave?” asked Carla.
“Many have,” said Al. “They begin with the thrill of being in God’s service. They leave because all of the little compromises rob them of the sense of fulfillment in what they do. But I think even worse are those who learn how to survive by going through the motions in a way that doesn’t challenge the security of their congregation. ”
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